I Never Lie by Jody Sabral

Author:Jody Sabral
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781788631143
Publisher: Canelo Digital Publishing Ltd
Published: 2018-05-02T16:00:00+00:00

31

September 2017

Dear Diary,

After the daily check when the staff go through my personal belongings to see if I’m hiding alcohol, I get to chill out for a bit in my room before the one-on-one session. Not that I’d really call it chilling out. I don’t know how you can chill out in rehab. Everything seems so much more intense here. They have given me my phone back, which is good, even if I don’t have anyone to call any more. I got a message from Greg asking where I was and if we could meet up. I didn’t respond because I don’t really know what to say. I don’t want anyone to know I’m in here, only my dad. I guess my mum knows too. I’m sure he’s told her where I’ve gone.

Talking to a therapist on my own was really difficult. It’s so much easier to hide myself in a group setting, because when there are other people around, I don’t need to talk too much. Tim, who is really good-looking, asked me to fill out a form with the following questions on it:

1. What is your earliest childhood memory?

2. Note down a happy memory from childhood.

3. Note down an unhappy memory from childhood.

4. Who are the family members who have the biggest influence on you?

5. Do you have siblings? How many?

6. Are you close to your mother? Father? Siblings?

He wanted me to write down my thoughts so that we could discuss them together in the next session. It didn’t feel good. In fact, it felt terrible, because I couldn’t really remember much about my childhood. Tim was very nice and said I could take as long as I needed, but after almost two hours the pages were still blank. I couldn’t come up with anything. Nothing. It’s as if my childhood never happened. I couldn’t quite believe it. Tim said it’s because I’ve blocked it out, but how can someone have absolutely no recollection of their childhood? It’s just crazy. I’ve never thought about it before, but now that I have, I feel almost alien. I mean I don’t know anyone who can’t come up with something.

Tim told me not to worry, that it’s not that uncommon, that I have suppressed things with drink, that together we will work to unblock the memories. He says I have to get to the bottom of what makes me drink so that I can stop. I need to know what my triggers are. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff about to free fall, not knowing how this will turn out.

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